What Is Codependency? Know Something Interesting

Codependency is learned: inaccurate information is learned that somehow you are not enough, that you do not matter, that your feelings are wrong or that you do not deserve respect. These are the false beliefs that most codependents grow up with. They may not have told you these things directly, but they have inferred them from the behavior and attitudes of family and friends and from events. Often these beliefs are passed down from generation to generation. Changing them is not easy and it is difficult to do on your own, because it is difficult to see others, much less yourself, through a different lens than the one you grew up with.

If you are in a relationship and feel like you are going a little crazy, you could be dealing with a variety of issues. However, one thing is for sure: a healthy relationship shouldn't make you feel like you're going crazy! When I work with clients who have relationship problems, a common culprit for unhealthy relationships is one or both partners displaying characteristics of codependency. Get more information about What is Codependency Therapy and Get Useful Information by visiting this site.

Before giving some advice on relationships, maybe you should explain a little what codependency is. As defined by the mental health community, codependency is excessive emotional or mental dependence on another person, and that person is likely a romantic partner. It is a dependency on another person to fill your void, help you feel happier, satisfy your need for attention, etc.

That's not healthy

Those who have codependent characteristics tend to be attracted to partners with strong personalities. They could be full-blown narcissists, who are extremely selfish and selfish people, or at least on some end of the selfish spectrum. Many codependents end up being addicted or sick because they prefer to take care of others and feel good when they do.

The problem is that the relationship is not healthy. The codependent person is often quite insecure and depends on her partner for approval and a sense of worth. The person on the other side does not like to be trusted. Who wants to feel responsible for someone else's happiness? I know that I am responsible for my happiness; not my partner.

Codependency and insanity 

The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting different results. For the unhealthy relationship where someone is codependent, there will be a cycle of drama and then intense love/lust for each other. Have you ever been in a relationship where periodically there is this big bang and you end up hating each other? Then a few days later, discuss your relationship, say how you will change, and will you get back together? Then in a month or two, does the same thing happen?

I've been there. I was on that roller coaster for 5 years before finally jumping for good. It's crazy. They are two people who do not mix in a healthy way because one or both are not dealing with some deep-seated problems.

Help is available

The good news is that help is available for those struggling with the characteristics of codependency. A great place to start is combination therapy with the Codependent Anonymous 12-Step Recovery Group. It was a great relief to me to know that he was not crazy. I just had some old childhood wounds that had never been treated on a deep level and I became entangled with a recovering addict who was no match for me in many ways but was afraid to leave. Finally, when my pain increased enough, I made a firm decision to make major changes in my life in all aspects, and finally, I found freedom, peace, and joy.

The same freedom, peace, and joy are also available to you. If you are struggling in your relationship with characteristics such as insecurity, constant drama, feeling that you cannot live without your partner, fear of being alone, enduring verbal or physical abuse, low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety, you could be struggling with codependency.

About This Author

Hridoy Ahmed Joined: December 15th, 2019