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Blame Shifting In Relationships

Blame Shifting In Relationships

Blame shifting is one of the most common problems that couples face. When one partner wants something done, excuses are made to justify that request. Then the same excuse is made when another partner wants the same thing. The cycle goes on until both partners begin to feel that they are in the wrong for not hearing what their higher self (what you see as your "self" or "image source") wanted from them. At this point, the blame-shifting begins in earnest.

I have come to believe that many people need to stop blaming themselves or others if they are going to make better relationships. For example, blaming yourself for not appreciating a compliment is very damaging. If you did not receive an award for your efforts in the past week, why should you continue to think about it? Likewise, if you did not receive a promotion recently or think that you deserve it, why should you keep looking at the mirror for affirmation?

The first step toward stopping the blame-shifting in relationships is for each of you to be honest with each other about where the problems lie. Then, once you understand where the problems lie, you can help each other work through those issues. But how do you know which problems lie? To help you out, here are a few questions: Do you avoid taking responsibility for past mistakes, especially negative mistakes? Do you blame others too often, for trivial things that you did not cause?

When you are in the middle of a blame game, you will constantly feel guilty for things you had no control over. Insecurity and unhappiness often accompany this pattern. You might feel guilty about the way you look, the clothes you wear, your job, etc. As a result, you start sabotaging your own relationships by being critical of others, making demands, being needy, etc. If someone does something you don't like, you tend to be unnecessarily critical and harsh.

When someone does something you don't like, you are quick to put them on "spot" or blame them for their behavior. You then, in turn, start devaluing yourself and/or your partner. Narcissistic personality disorder patients often fall into this pattern when they are feeling guilty and are trying to make someone else feel guilty for something they didn't do.

The biggest problem with this pattern is that it depletes the healthy relationship and accountability between partners. People suffering from narcissistic personality disorder cannot self-monitor their own behaviors. For this reason, they often have difficulty in changing their behavior. In their attempt to control and change another person's behavior, they end up blaming them, exaggerating, and becoming a victim-blaming sufferer. This type of blame game is damaging to relationships and can cause partners to feel hopeless and rejected.


About This Author


Koushik GhoshKoushik Ghosh
https://smartrelationshiptips.com
Joined: February 11th, 2021
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