Conflict Management Training - Anger, the Tip of the Emotional IcebergI visited a High School a week ago and witnessed these interaction within the reception area...
Parent: 'I have come to pick up my daughter.
Receptionist: 'What's her name?'
Parent: 'You should know about, you contacted me' (said by having an angry speech).
Receptionist: 'I didn't call you!'
Conflict resolution in the workplace : 'Well, somebody here did.'
Receptionist: 'Well, it was not me.'
Whilst this interaction was occurring the receptionist wrote out a Visitors Pass and pushed it through the desk so hard the parent didn't catch it plus it landed on to the ground. I was expecting an onslaught from the parent at this stage. Fortunately, her daughter got into the reception area as well as the parent's focus was diverted.
When the parent had left I enquired through the receptionist if this form of interaction was common. All too common, she replied, particularly from parents who had been requested to visit school regarding their child's behaviour. 'They usually appear in all guns blazing!'
Dealing with he has a good point of complaint or situation is common to almost anyone who works with the population. It's understandable to forget or ignore that, for that complainant, their complaint is different. Their anger could be compounded by an attitude that 'we often hear this all before'. Handling every complaint inside same way ignores the truth that there are various reasons underpinning what seems to be the identical angry outburst.
Consider what drives behaviour: emotions, emotions and more emotions. We all have a tendency to experience similar emotions but there's a broad variation in how we express them. Our angry parent expressed herself in a angry manner but what emotions may be driving her anger? Might she feel fear that her daughter could possibly be excluded from soccer practice, embarrassment she may be 'exposed' being a 'bad' parent, or frustration because she doesn't follow simple proven steps with your ex daughter's behaviour? She might not be mindful of the emotions which can be driving her anger.
Unfortunately for staff, the only proof these strong emotions at play is truly the anger they witness. However, anger is only the tip in the emotional iceberg plus it 'tells' us the body's angry however, not WHY they're angry.
So so what can we all do? Firstly, raise your game once you realise you happen to be dealing with an angry customer. Convey using your usage of words and body language that you happen to be serious about helping them. his explanation answer their baiting (unlike the receptionist). Take a deep breath before responding, to cope with your own personal adrenalin rush. Seek to find what has happened. Acknowledge the emotions involved ('I appreciate you feel strongly about this').
We could only work on knowing the emotions involved as calm and take time to pay attention and view the feelings and situation driving the customer's behaviour. When we take this process and place in the time, we are able to start to understand and react to emotions in a more meaningful way.
But I haven't got some time, I hear you say. Perhaps, not for everybody, but angry young people need some time to space to share their problem and emotions. Putting your time and effort in early on can save time inside long run by avoiding a verbal attack that may continue.
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